Thursday, February 28, 2008

SC meets SC in celebrity/animal controversy


Southern California is a region of the country in which stupid human stars are allowed to breed and reproduce. Some like Micheal Jackson hold their offspring over upstairs balconies, or make their offspring wear surgical masks in public. Others, like Brittany Spears simply act as if they have no offspring and constantly seek out a mate by showing the goods in public. Then there are those, like Michelle Phillips and Brian Wilson, who had offspring combine to make a cheesy pop music group and one even start up one of those dreaded afternoon talk shows.

So, when I saw a headline that read, "Los Angeles makes spaying and neutering a law," my first thoughts were the constitutional rights of those celebrities. I went on to read that it was a requirement for dogs and cats in the area.

Michael Jackson and Brittany and their ilk won't be facing the surgeon's knife. But, other Southern California celebs might not be so lucky. Fan favorites like Droopy, Scooby Doo and Huckleberry Hound could all face the surgeon's knife.

Rumors in the Southern California celebrity gossip circle have swirled about Droopy's depression. Losing his manhood could only make it worse. Then there is Scooby and his rumored pot problem. He always has the munchies. Scooby will probably turn more to his drug of choice, which could sadly result in another celebrity tragedy. Sources say Huckleberry Hound, long retired from the celebrity scene, might leave the Los Angeles area altogether. Celebrity insiders say that the legendary Hound is trying not the hit the bottle again, and losing his manhood, even when he is older than Bob Barker, might drive Hound back to his old friend Jack Daniels.

Hopefully, Huckleberry won't move to South Carolina, where a high ranking official in the Agriculture Department got arrested and charged with abusing horses and kidnapping. The kidnapping charge involves allegations a celebrity would understand. Allegedly, the official got pretty hostile with someone taking pictures of his property. The horse abuse charges allege despicable conduct.

Too bad the high ranking official does not reside in Southern California where he could appeal to the understanding of celebrities. Getting hostile with someone taking pictures? The Hilton family would stand by him. Treating some horses badly but not taking their manhood? That is something perhaps Droopy and company would say they could live with. Bob Barker, on the other hand, might come around with scissors in hand.

2 comments:

  1. This is not funny. You clearly do not care for the welfare of animals. You are a barbarian.

    ReplyDelete
  2. To Anonymous . . .

    *whoosh*

    I believe you missed the point. Bravo to Brian. Another excellent post.

    - SSHM

    ReplyDelete