Top 9 things people don't want to hear from politicians

Here is this week's Top 9. It is nine, because we at VUI ain't smart enough to come up with ten.

9)I voted for that bill before I voted against it.

8)Yes, you can throw me out of office. But, if you do some gay guy will take my place. God would not want that. He told me so on the plane from Argentina.

7)They are not tax increases. They are opportunities for you to contribute more to your government.

6) I know your daughter was the paige in question. But, hey, I was drunk, okay. Give me a break? I gotta drink to put up with people like you calling me all the time.

5)I am sorry sir, the Congressman really won't be able to help on that matter. According to our database, you contributed to his opponent two elections ago.

4) Look, kid, you emailed me those nude pictures, you got to get your parents to lay off.

3) Why should I, of all people. have to deal with car traffic, when I can fly on the state plane? Don't you know if I don't have a good haircut, it could hurt the state?

2) God is on my side. He knows all I have to do is say I am sorry.

1) Give me an hour with your children and I will help them learn how to serve and help me lead this nation.