Sunday, November 22, 2009

Top 9 things you don't want to hear at Thanksgiving Dinner


9) “Now, kids, ignore that smell, Uncle Jim has just made a boo boo cake. It’s good for him. Lisa, honey, can you change your man after we say grace?”

8) “No, Bobby, you can’t play with Uncle Earl’s date’s tassels. Besides we ain’t got the money to pay her for that. Earl, can you get your date to cover those things up?”

7) “How am I kin to yall? Well, I am your step neighbor by adultery. Fix me a plate.”

6) “Dad, let’s forget this football stuff, ice skating is on. Real men watch ice skating.”

5) Your auntie’s new beau cries out, “That turkey looks good, but it didn’t get near the stuffin’ your auntie got last night. Thank God for Viagra.”

4) "No, dad, he ain't my baby's daddy, but he loves me anyway. The least you could do is fix him a plate. Hurry up. He has to go be with his wife's people soon."

3) “You people realize you are the reason I am in therapy, don’t you?”

2) “Turkey and dressing, can’t, cough cough, get the flu, eat up.”

1) “When you said you would have wild turkey, I thought it would be from a bottle, not some damn poor bird you shot.”

6 comments:

  1. Wow...

    I think I have heard a few of those, at my ex's house!

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  2. Oh Lord! Too close to home for most of us.

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  3. #4 is not funny at all. There are people who live in complex relationships. Sometimes a man who loves a woman has to stayed married to his wife. How dare you make fun of people in such situations. You are just so insensitive to people's lives and sexual needs. Even moms need love.

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  4. More bullshit from Brian McCarty. We know you are running against Cindy Wilson. I am will be thankful when you agree to compare credit reports, bank accounts, and the like.

    Cindy has more money than you by far. Give it up, McCarty. You know you want she has. You will not even win Honea Path.

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  5. Cindy...I need my balls back.. thanks, Bob.

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