Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Will Obama reverse "Don't Fart. Don't Smell?"

Throughout the federal government, countless employee hours of productivity were lost over the years due to the passing of gas by some employees and the response to that gas passing by others.

Some government employee bragged about their gas passing abilities, proudly taking time to “claim” the odors that stunk up the office. Other employees reacted badly to the smell of others gas passing, doing things like hold their noses, shake their heads, and leave the room entirely.

Such acts led to the Clinton Administration order of “Don’t fart. Don’t smell.” Under that policy, an employee is encouraged to go the restroom if a gas event is coming on. If that gas event occurs before that employee reaches the restroom, the employee is to act as if did not happen. They simply cannot claim the fart. Further, other employees surrounding him are to act as if they cannot smell the gas event. No gestures of nose pinching, fake gagging or fanning are allowed. No remarks about the smell are allowed.

The federal government contends that the “Don’t fart, don’t smell,” policy has worked well over the past 15 years, saving thousands of employee work hours. However, gas passing rights activists think that the rule discriminates against gas passers, who in their words “cannot help themselves.” They find offense in the very name of the policy, saying that “fart” is a hateful word, and that “gas passing” is the correct term to use.

One federal employee put it this way to VUI, “Don’t Fart, don’t tell destroys my self esteem. I am proud of my ability to pass gas. I want to brag on it, not be ashamed of it and forced to not say anything when I rip off a good one.”

Other federal employees feel differently. As one told VUI, “I come here to work, not to smell other people’s gas events. It is bad enough I have to ignore farters. But, there is something against God that has to make me sit silently why the farters brag about their farts.”

Gas passing rights activist Bran Nobeano told VUI that comments like the latter, “were indicative of the discrimination gas passers face every day and are cruel and insensitive.” Nobeano went on to say, “we had hoped for a change under President Obama but so far all we have received from him is hot air.”

5 comments:

  1. This has to be a parody.

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  2. Are you won of those gas passers whose rights needs defending? God knows your ideas on this blog stink to high heavan.

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  3. Funny stuff. I wonder if the left gets the humor.

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  4. Clearly you haven't been to a family gathering in a while!

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  5. This problems stinks.

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