Monday, March 15, 2010

IQ proposal shot down

In a year in which the South Carolina General Assembly seems preoccupied with things such as making sure that people pay for an eye exam before they renew their driver’s licenses, young people cannot get tattoos, and that text messaging must be banned while driving, it is little wonder that the unheard of Coalition for Common Sense and Basic Intelligence is proposing that there be minimum I.Q. requirements for the members of the General Assembly. After all, the South Carolina General Assembly seems inept on real problems and all too eager to fight for nothing.

According to the coalition, their plan calls for all candidates for the South Carolina General Assembly take an I.Q. test. Any candidate with an I.Q. below 80 would be disqualified from serving in the General Assembly. As one member of the coalition told VUI, “I mean, come on, be real. You cannot mow the lawn if your I.Q. is below 80, so why should we turn over state government to you? These guys are more worried about Jessica Simpson’s sex stories instead of the budget or the mess in the ESC and DSS. Give ‘em women and beer and they don’t care. ”

Both political parties in South Carolina have reacted strongly against the proposal. One Democrat told VUI, “This is racist and against poor people. Everyone knows that tests of basic intelligence are biased in favor of rich white Republicans. Street smarts ought to be tested, not damn book learning. Who reads books today anyway? It is insulting to me and my President.”

Republicans are angry as well. One Republican told VUI, “This is an attempt by liberal homosexual academic types to hijack the will of the people and take away our freedom, our guns, and sleep with our brothers and sons. If you support this, you support gays having sex on the confederate flag.”

A self proclaimed lobbyist had this to say, “If you make the members of the General Assembly smarter, than it hurts me because I have to spend more money on booze and food. I mean, I would have to get a smart person pretty damn drunk to buy into some of the stuff I get done now. Now, that cost is going to be passed on to the consumers of products out there. You really want to hurt the economy right now?”

A veteran of South Carolina politics dubbed the proposal "a disaster." He went on to say, " If we make IQ a requirement, half the House would have to resign. This is South Carolina, you think we got a bunch of nerds out there that can be elected? It can not work. You nerds blog. The rest of us get elected. "

When VUI contacted the source within the coalition about the above remarks, VUI found out that the source had learned of the reaction to the proposal and was in the middle of relocating to New Zealand. That news led to jubilation by both major parties in South Carolina and the lobbyists who influence them. “Thank God and the constitution,” a Republican said.

“The community is unified in celebrating the end to this bigotry,” a Democrat said.

“Hey buddy, have a drink” the lobbyist contact told us.

After that, it just seemed pointless for VUI to chase down the rumors about Henry McMaster’s eyesight and Andre Bauer’s texting habits. And, we don’t care how old Haley and Sheheen were when that got those tattoos. When we think of the state of politics in South Carolina and the lack of common sense in it, we will take that drink and laugh, like you ought to.

2 comments:

  1. Did this really happen?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well WillieMarch 19, 2010

    This pissed Dan Cooper off.

    ReplyDelete