9) Sorry about that surgical mistake, but the penis is not all that important for a man your age. You can live without one.
8) Damn, that is pretty bad. I think we might make some medical journal article with this one.
7) Relax sir, we might be out of anesthesia, but hemorrhoid surgery is not really that painful.
6) You don’t mind if my little daughter makes the incision do you? It’s a snow day and she is getting bored.
5) The hospital administrator tells me I cannot tell you what is wrong with you until we get the results of your wallet biopsy.
4) If this does not work, do you mind if I call on your wife after a respectful time?
3) You breathe the gas in deep and I will drink a shot or two of bourbon and we both will feel better about all this.
2) Here’s a magic marker. Write on your body what I am supposed to operate on incase I forget.
1) Yes, please tell me about the drug ad you saw on television. Perhaps I should prescribe that drug to you.