Tuesday, June 01, 2010

HUMOR: Top 9 things you might hear Attorney General Candidate William Leighton Lord III state

9) I toured the Kennedy Space Center last year. On the tour, I got hands on experience on how to fly the space shuttle. I should be one of the last astronauts to fly it. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

8) I watched Law and Order. That gives me real world prosecutorial experience. Ask Biff and Buffy at the club. They know that my watching of Law and Order is real law enforcement training. As Attorney General, I will ask myself “what would Jack McCoy do?” Take that, Bolchoz.

7) As Attorney General I will write a pointed letter to the President of Mexico demanding that he cease and desist from sending us illegal workers from his country. When he sees who the letter is from, he’ll stop it. If I have to, I will throw in some hair care products and tips.

6) Fat people…eewhhh…they are almost as bad as the trailer trash that smoke discount cigarettes and drink domestic beer. No one at the club has a hard time paying for healthcare. I don’t understand what those people are whining about. Don’t they know Asian gangs are out to get them?

5) Not only did I bring Boeing to South Carolina, I built the Ravenel Bridge and I’ll lock up all those bad drivers in the Low Country. And, by the way, I am not named after Tom Hanks’s volleyball friend. Take that, Wilson.

4) When I become Attorney General, I will negotiate and run slick ads that keep you and your family safe from the nasty Asian gang down the street. What’s that? You say you don’t know of any Asian gangs in your neighborhood? Well, I am already getting the job done.

3) So what if Alan Wilson went to war in Iraq? I went to war everyday in school. Those pranks were Hell. I dealt with wedgies, Mr. Wilson. Don’t lecture me about bullets and terrorists, I faced Skeeter and Kip.

2) I am a true Southerner. I grew up in Southern New England.

1) Woohoo! I just won the McBee left handed Republicans with special needs straw poll and got endorsed by the Donalds golf newsletter. That is why my opponents call me Lord. I rule.

Laugh people, it is meant to be funny.


  1. AnonymousJune 01, 2010

    There's actually some truth there underneath the humor.

    Mr. Lord is a nice man, but he's running for the wrong office.

    I'm voting for Alan Wilson.

  2. AnonymousJune 01, 2010

    You are a sick fuck

  3. AnonymousJune 01, 2010

    Only 9? Good humor. One of the things the follow on comments willa d is that he and his people have no sense of humopr. They can have every dirty tactic from push-polls, to rumor, to false statements. However, when facing the truth they become more than defensive, they actually get threatening and make personal attacks back.

    Republican politics ain't (that's a southern word for y'all in the Lord camp. Y'all is another one for you to look up) just making slick adds. Shake some hands and talk to people.

  4. AnonymousJune 01, 2010

    Lord's people definitely are push polling and playing dirty. I hope the Karma gets them -- but I'm not sure that happens in politics.

    I think they're doing it because they're threatened by Alan Wilson. Alan has run one of the best grassroots campaigns ever in South Carolina. I really hope Alan has the opportunity to be Attorney General. He would be great.

  5. Hilarious post! "Hair care products and tips"? LOL. You've artfully captured the elitist ego trip that is Leighton Lord's AG campaign.

  6. AnonymousJune 01, 2010

    Great humor. However reality is scary that Leighton Lord is unqualified but slick. Just like Thomas Ravenel, he is trying to buy office after a long career of no public service.

    Lots of truth there, Northerner trying to make a slick campaign in poor old SC. He'll say anything for a vote. If he spent hald as much time meeting real South Carolinians as he does on his hair, he'd know something about us. RINO, Poser, or anything but legitimate.

    He likely does not know where the AG office is located, nor any courtroom in SC. We need an attorney general, not attorney manager.

  7. AnonymousJune 02, 2010

    Must not only be excellene satire, but the truth. Lord witless comeback commenters are silent on this blog. Too close to home? Which one hit the button, nine accurate digs to choose from. Maybe you guys are too busy push=polling or spreading false rumors to read anymore.

  8. AnonymousJune 03, 2010

    Freedom of speech comes at a price for all of us.