9) After a few drinks, your buddy’s wife decides she needs the opinion of everyone at the cookout as to whether or not she needs breast implants.
8) Bob Inglis shows up and starts lecturing you on how you did not have the money to feed everyone hot dogs, hamburgers, and cold beer. He refuses to leave until you admit you bought the food and beverages on credit.
7) After a few more drinks, your buddy’s wife decides she needs to show everyone at the cookout her special new tattoo.
6) Your senior citizen uncle wants to see your buddy’s wife tattoo again, and your aunt is packing heat.
5) Your cousin Leroy shows up with his woman and his five kids, neglecting to tell you about his outstanding warrants until the deputies pull into the yard.
4) The nice young couple you decided to invite decided your cookout is the place to have their first big fight about their sex life. You don’t have enough beer and whiskey to make you forget the things you hear.
3) You notice some woman standing in the field across the street taking pictures of your cookout. Those pictures are immediately uploaded to some website to prove either who you “really are” or that your stalker babe was on a “date” with you at your cookout.
2) The Christian motorcycle riders next door decide that the night of your cookout is their night to backslide.
1) Some blogger shows up drunk and starts talking about Nikki Haley and the book of Kama Sutra. Your uncle asks him, “Have you seen the woman with the tattoo of Vincent Sheheen?”