9) “We are from the government and we are here to help you do better.”
8) ”Mr. McCarty, I am Dr. Bihndi. I read your blog. By the way, you are having a heart attack and I don't like what you wrote about my cousin Nikki. Relax, Sir, just relax. I am not too sure you are going to recover."
7) “Honey, don’t worry about your E.D. Ernesto is coming to cut the grass on Friday morning.”
6) “Daddy, can you help your grandbaby’s daddy get out of jail?”
5) “Senator-elect Greene, will you please raise your right hand, no, sir, the other hand, and repeat after me.”
4) “As your lawyer, I can tell you this does not look good. The parking lot had its cameras on. Jakie Knotts has the video. You know how Jakie is about bloggers. Jakie even turned down the year's supply of barbecue I offered.”
3) “I know you are a Gamecock fan, but everyone in here has to wear orange.
2) “Congratulations, Mr. Sheheen, President Obama is not only going to endorse you, but he and Speaker Pelosi plan to campaign all over South Carolina for you.”
1) “I am at peace with the Lord and you had better be,” from the driver of a car you are the passenger in on Highway 378 as he prepares to pass four cars at once.