Sunday, March 27, 2011

Top 9 ways to celebrate turning 40

It happens to the best of us, if we are lucky and blessed.  We turn 40.  We have to turn in our membership cards to anything that begins with the word “young.”  We suddenly show up on the AARP’s mailing list.  Trips to the doctor’s office become serious things.  The get up and go has days where it got up and went. Some of us become cougars or dirty old men.  Most of us just get old.

Well, joining club 40 is not a death sentence and you should celebrate it.  Here are 9 ways to do just that.

9) Indulge yourself.  Subscribe to “Arthritis Today.”

8) Go for the light beer and the sugar free cake and ice cream.

7) If someone is getting on your case, grab the left side of your chest and say, “I am too old for this crap.”  If that does not work, start checking your blood sugar.

6) Instead of dyeing Easter Eggs with your kids this spring, dye your hair.

5) Go berserk on some young political punk and blame it on your Type 2 Diabetes.

4) Instead of a “Yager Bomb” have a “Geritol Bomb.”

3) Get a “Princess Nikki rules South Carolina” tattoo on a part of your body you think will wrinkle last and you secretly wish Princess Nikki would see.  It will give you that old teenage rush.

2) Watch an episode of American Idol and take a look at Steven Tyler of Aerosmith.  It is uplifting.  If he lived that long, so can you.

1) Run for office and spend some of your campaign funds on the blue pills.  Just be sure to note that it helped you with “political relations,” after all, a politician has to be able to do what politicians do to the people. 

1) Have we listed nine things already?  I forget.  


  1. Some ways NOT to celebrate:

    1) Having your Congressman trying to sing Journey,
    2) Having the cops show up in the first thirty minutes,
    3) Having your ex threaten to show up to "set a few things" straight,
    4) Having political convicts invite themselves to your event.

  2. What about me? I just turned 50, and no scandal at all. Well, except for that little thing with the midget...