Tuesday, May 31, 2011

9 things that might indicate your summer cookout is not going well

9) After a few beers, one of your guests goes on about what the founding fathers would want for this country.  You ask him to name one.  He can’t and calls you a liberal for asking.  He drones own about how he should not pay for the beer he is drinking. Deadbeat.

8) Another guest decides now is the time to show her special tattoo of Jakie Knots wearing a turban on a place not usually seen.  You just wonder what made her want to put Jakie Knotts there?

7) Your cousin who has talked about Jesus for about an hour goes quiet when one of your police friends on duty stops by for a quick hot dog.  “Man, I got warrants” your cousin tells you as he tries to hide.

6) The fifty something neighbor who never wears a shirt after April 1st shows up and talks about all the ladies he has had.  People suddenly lose their appetites.  Your shirtless neighbor hits on some teenager and goes “giggity giiggity.”

5) One of your neighbors shows up drunk and/or high and asks can “anybody give me a ride to Bi Lo?  I will make it worth it.” The shirtless neighbor goes, “alright.”

4) Just when you think the evening is finally going well, a Kyle Busch fan shows up, hellbent on telling everyone how straight Busch is. All you can do is laugh.

3)You learn the hard way that the guys known as Evan Williams, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam and Smith and Wesson do not work well together as you wait on the ambulance to arrive.

2) Your cousin’s ex shows up with “his kids.,” and shouts to everyone, “you better love my kids they are his, and he better pay me. That is my baby daddy right there, now feed them.” Your shirtless neighbor seems nervous about it all.

1) As your guests are enjoying the BBQ hash, someone asks, where is your dog?

1 comment:

  1. Reform SC NowMay 31, 2011

    Better yet some RINO named Brian McCarty shows up and goes on about public education. Shoot him if you get the chance, folks. He is worthless.

    ReplyDelete