New Year’s Eve is a mixed time. People who are glad to throw out the old year and welcome the new one often celebrate to extremes. They often get drunk and out of control and say things that are inappropriate. As a public service, we at VUI will offer the Top 9 things that you should not say on New Year’s Eve. At least they are the things we hope are never actually said. Here we go.
9) Governor, you need to be blogged by someone who knows how. You will want to write a book after you have been blogged by the best.
8) Hey, ya’ll watch this. Junior is gonna launch my sparkler bomb right from my own hand.
7) Look Uncle Will, Dick Clark talks like you and Rick Perry do.
6) Will you guys put me on You Tube if I launch a bottle rocket from between my butt cheeks? I will scream “Sarah Palin forever!”
5) Look at this picture of me, baby. Forget Congressman Weiner or Herman Cain, I got your politics right here, baby. Occupy this!
4) All I am doing is drinking beer, deputy. Wal-Mart ain’t got any signs about me having to wear clothes. I am a customer, and the customer is always right. Naked is right to me.
3) Come on baby, nobody gets pregnant on New Year’s Eve. It’s a law. I used to be in Congress, I know.
2) Newt is your real name? No wonder you are such a jerk, dude. You are the guy with one wife at a time, right? You’re good, dude. Drink up.
1) Trooper whatever your name is, I can’t stand on one leg sober. How in the Hell do you expect me to after all I had to drink? Walk a line now? Do I look like Johnny Cash?